found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
100000000 points to mom.
Musée Carnavalet, Paris: le décor de l’ancienne bijouterie Fouquet.
Photos 3,4,6,8: cc https://www.flickr.com/photos/kotomi-jewelry/ http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/deed.en
I think I might have broken my finger reblogging this.
THIS OMG THIS. Someone dubbed Beyonce’s Halo over the original song. The result is magical.
POR VOS MUERO
Choreography: Nacho Duato
Original Music: XV & XVI Century Spanish Music
Music in video: Halo by Beyonce
A woman who hates you is playing the pianoforte.
You have five hundred a year. From who? Five hundred what? No one knows. No one cares. You have it. It’s yours. Every year. All five hundred of it.
A charming man attempts to flirt with you. This is terrible.
You are in a garden, and you are astonished." -How To Tell If You Are In A Jane Austen Novel (via jeanpaulfarte)
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF
I BOUGHT IT
TRIED IT ONCE
I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE
IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER
IT GOT ON EVERYTHING
IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY
I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT
AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
I READ THE DIRECTIONS
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT
I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE
YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST
WAIT FOR IT TO DRY
COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)
IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW
AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)
AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS
AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM
IT WAS A MIRACLE
THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST
IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME
IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING
AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT
NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME
AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY
THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING
YO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT THING
THAT IS A DREAM COME TRUE BUT ALSO A NIGHTMARE LIKE
THIS IS ME JUST BEFORE WENT OUT THE WHOLE DAY
HELL YEAH I FELT HELLA CUTE AND POWERFUL RIGHT THIS IS THE POWER RED LIPSTICK HAS ON ME
WELL LATER I RETURN HOME AND CHANGE GLASSES AND WOWIE IT’S STILL THERE AWESOME
THEN JUST FOR SCIENCE I DECIDED TO SLEEP WITH IT OKAY
I WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY LIKE THIS
AND THEN AGAIN FOR SCIENCE, I DIDN’T RUB IT OFF AT THE SHOWER JUST TO SEE IF IT WAS WATERPROOF TOO AND
I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG WOULD THAT HAVE LASTED IF I DIDN’T TAKE IT OFF AFTER THAT PHOTO BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS MUST BE MADE OF THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES I ACCEPT NO OTHER EXPLANATION
I HAVE THIS IT WORKS MAN IT WORKS
Introducing the Social Intelligence Test! From what I can tell, it’s sponsored by Harvard and it’s rather interesting. The basis is you look at pictures of people going through different emotions and decide what emotion they’re feeling. The trick is, you can only see their eyes.
How well can you read people? I never thought I was good at it, but I scored rather high on this test. It was a very interesting experience! I highly recommend taking this!
13 out of 36…
I got 29/36
alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy
so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first…
when McGonagall finds out that Ginny is pregnant, and that the Weasley and Potter bloodlines will converge, she marks on her calender the day the child will turn 11 and that is the day she retires
Can you imagine the conversation though?
Queen: I’m going
Chief of Staff: But, Your Majesty, the security risks…
Queen: I’m going I want cake
Chief of Staff:
Chief of Staff:
Queen: I want cake